


Dirty Little Secret

by jinglebin



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Kisses, M/M, Malec, slightly canon divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:14:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinglebin/pseuds/jinglebin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've been thinking so much about all the times they could have kissed and this happened. I slipped in a few things from CC's writings that I  love. </p>
<p>5 times alec kissed magnus in private and the one time he did it in public</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Little Secret

**_One_ **

Alec’s head felt a bit fuzzy. He didn’t usually drink alcohol and he still felt the effects of the two cocktails Magnus had made for him. They had gotten lost in conversation and time had flown by. It was early morning now and Alec needed to get back to the institute. He had been surprised by how easy it was to talk to Magnus. Alec didn’t always know what to say so awkward silences weren’t exactly a strange occurrence for him. But there hadn’t been any with Magnus, not until now anyway. They were standing by the door as Alec had been preparing to leave. His mind had drifted off though and he found himself staring at Magnus’ lips. His skin felt tingly but he didn’t know if that was the effect of the drinks or of being so close to Magnus.

“Alec?” Magnus asked as he gently put his hand on Alec’s arm.

This snapped Alec out of his reverie. Magnus touch was soft and gently. He swallowed visibly?

“I..” Stammered Alec, completely at a loss for words.

Magnus, who had seen Alec’s gaze drift to his lips, took this nervousness as a good sign and took a step closer to Alec.

“I don’t know how to do this.” Alec admitted. “I’ve never had a date. I’ve never even kissed anyone.”

“Never kissed anyone? No one at all?” Magnus asked.

“No, not a real kiss.” Alec admitted looking away.

Magnus gently cupped Alec cheeks and turned his head so their eyes locked. Alec’s breath hitched in his throat. Magnus grabbed Alec’s elbows and pulled him closer. He waited a moment to see how Alec reacted.  Alec could feel Magnus’ breath on his skin. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Magnus’, they were soft and warm. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do so he experimentally sucked softly on Magnus’ upper lips, trying to memorize how they feel against his own. He still wasn’t sure if he was doing this right but Magnus moved his hands to Alec’s neck and pulled him firmly to his mouth.  Magnus swiped his tongue along Alec’s lips and Alec’s mouth opened as he drew in a breath. Magnus captured his mouth again and deepened the kiss. Alec felt Magnus’ tongue explore his mouth and he could taste Magnus. Alec lost himsefl in the kiss and grabbed Magnus’ hips, closing the distance between their bodies. Alec was starting to feel out of breath when Magnus pulled back.

“Now you’ve been kissed.” Magnus said.

Alec was still dazed, he didn’t think he’d regain the ability to speak anytime soon.

“Why don’t you take some time to think things over and you can call me later.” Magnus said.

Alec nodded. He leaned back in to press a quick kiss to Magnus’ lips and then turned and stumbled out of the door.

 

**_Two_ **

Alec was working of his frustration in the training room. He’d been overcome with nerves the moment Lydia told him Magnus’ would be coming to the institute. He wasn’t sure he could face the warlock again. He was still embarassed that he’d completely lost the ability to speak. He could usually still stammer some nonsense when he didn’t know what to say. The memory of the kiss lingered in his mind and his skin always felt slightly warmer whenever he though about it. He was so focused on his training that he didn’t hear anyone come in until Magnus entered his field of vision.

“Magnus.” Alec said surprised. He was glad that his voice sounded pretty normal because his heart had skipped a beat when he’d spotted Magnus. He saw Magnus’ eyes rake over his body and he was suddenly very aware that he was shirtless. He almost flushed with embarassment.

“Ok, I’m back.” Magnus said as he tore his eyes away from Alec’s chest and to his face.

Alec walked past Magnus, trying to even out his breathing. He reached to grab his sweater.

“Oh, you don’t have to get dressed up for me.” Magnus said coyly.

Alec shrugged on his sweater anyway.

“Fine, but I liked what I saw.”

Alec was still too unnerved by Magnus appearance in the training room to think of anything to say.

 “I have the preliminary autopsy findings.” Magnus said.

“Why are you giving these to me?” Alec said surprised. “This should go to the head of the institute.” Alec said as he put the folder down.

“And it is.”

“I’m not. And I never will be. Magnus, it’s like my whole life has been a lie and everything I’ve ever known...”

“It’s not what you thought?”

“I’ve done everything for my parents, for the clave, and... I’ve done everything that they’ve asked.”

“Maybe you should start living for yourself, do what’s in your heart.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, I think you’re right.”

Magnus gave him a small smile and Alec’s was hit with a sudden rush of affection. He didn’t even know Magnus that well but here he was clearly just wanting what is best for Alec. He moved closer to Magnus, grabbed his face in his hands and pressed his mouth to Magnus’. Kissing Magnus again was even better than the memory. He hadn’t meant to kiss him long but he was still sweaty and out of breath from his workout. The kiss heated up quickly. Suddenly Magnus was pressed close against him. Alec’s hands were grabbing at Magnus shoulders holding him close. He felt Magnus hands slide over his abs through his open sweater and it’s like the blood in his body rushed to where Magnus touched his bare skin. He could feel Magnus tongue, hot and wet against his own. He didn’t think it would feel this good to be close to someone and yet he wanted to be even closer to Magnus and the thought made his blood rush south and he pulled away from the kiss. He leaned his forehead against Magnus’, taking a few breaths to regain his composure. He hadn’t meant for the kiss to go that far. After calming down a little he stepped back from Magnus. He couldn’t be this close to Magnus without wanting to kiss him again and that was a bad idea at the moment.

“I need to give this to my parents.” Alec said, grabbing the folder with the results. He gave Magnus an apologetic half-smile and walked out of the training room.

**_  
_ **

****

**_Three_ **

Alec was ashamed of himself. He was still occupied by thoughts of Magnus and the distraction had caused him to get hurt in the Forsaken attack. He felt guilty. He tried to tell himself he didn’t owe Magnus anything. But he had kissed him pretty fiercely after Magnus’ had told him to do what’s in his heart. How was he supposed to tell him he’d walked away from that conversation and then proposed to Lydia? The truth is that his heart is conflicted. There’s the part that beats a little faster whenever Magnus is around. And then there is his love for his family and for being a shadowhunter. Was he supposed to give up is ambition and a chance to redeem his family for something so new? He didn’t even know what he felt for Magnus it was confusing. But he knows that being a shadowhunter is important to him. He liked protecting people, humans from demons and Izzy and Jace from themselves. He chose to be true to the part of his heart that he’s always known. And an alliance with Lydia could give him what he wanted. To be in good standing with the clave and to run the institute. He had pulled away earlier when Magnus had offered to heal him. He couldn’t stand to touch him right now. He had been cold and distant. Magnus had seem a little hurt by his behaviour. When Alec thought of what he has to tell him his heart aches. Denying himself a chance to be with Magnus wasn’t easy. He didn’t want to hurt Magnus but how serious could he be about him anyway? Magnus would move on easily. He’s immortal. He’s gotten over so many people he loved. Letting go of Alec shouldn’t be that hard.

“All done for the day.” He heard Magnus’ voice say?

Alec startled and looked at him in surprise. He hadn’t expected Magnus to be there outside his room.

“Place is secure. Not bad for a day’s work.” Magnus went on.

They started walking along the hall together. Alec knew he had to tell him but he wasn’t sure how.

“I thought I’d see how you were doing.” Magnus told him.

Alec turned back to Magnus and steeled himself.

“I meant to thank you for your advice. The whole ‘follow your heart’ thing.”

“Oh, what can I say? I have a deep understanding of the human psyche. At least that’s what Freud always said.” Magnus said with a hopeful smile.

“I’m getting married.” Alec said. Just getting it out before he could back out of saying it at all.

“Whoa, that’s a tad sudden isn’t it? We should at least go to dinner first.” He looked hurt. Alec felt a pang go through his chest. He was trying to hide his pain with humor.

“No, Magnus, family is everything to me.” Alec said trying to explain. “You have to know that.”

“I get it. You’re part of a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ culture. I’m fine with it. You’re a traditional guy.”

“Yeah, I am.” Alec hesitated. “That’s why I proposed to Lydia.”

“That’s... interesting.” Magnus said. There seemed to be tears glistening in his eyes. He averted his gaze. He looked so hurt Alec just wanted to reach out and comfort him.

“It makes sense.” Alec said trying to explain. He hated himself for doing this. He should have known it wouldn’t make sense to Magnus. He never seemed to hide any part of himself. How was he supposed to understand that Alec was chosing a sham marriage over him?

“It’s a solid partnership. For both of us.”

“Solid partnership.” Magnus chuckled harshly. “That’s hot.”

Alec looked away in shame. He had to fight the urge to grab Magnus. He couldn’t even look at him.

“Well, okay then. Congratulations. Marriage is a wonderful institution. Not that I would know.”

His voice almost broke on the last sentence and Alec looked him straight in the eye. They were sad and he seemed on the verge of tears. Alec lost the fight with himself. He rushed forward one of Magnus’ shoulders, the other hand reaching behind his neck to pull him towards him. He crushed his mouth to Magnus’, demanding entrance. It wasn’t gentle or sweet or anything like their previous kisses. Those has been careful, exploratory but still somewhat reserved. This wasn’t anything like that. All self-control forgotten he pushed Magnus against the wall. The kiss was hungry and wild and wet as he licked his way into Magnus mouth. He let his hands wander to Magus’ chest, pushing him against the wall pressing his body against him. Magnus seemed as lost in the kiss as he was, grabbing Alec close to him and kissing back with the same urgency. Alec’s brain had been overloaded. Only one thing still mattered. Magnus here. Magnus now. The taste of Magnus in his mouth.  Magnus suddenly froze and pushed Alec away.

“Stop that.” Magnus said angrily. He was panting heavily but it was due to anger as much as due to desire.

“I..” Alec started, but he had no idea how he was going to explain himself.

“What?” Magnus said furiously. “What did you expect? That I was going to want to be your dirty little secret?”

“What? No!” Alec said he felt his face flush with shame. “Magnus, I’m sorr-“

“Don’t apologize.” Magnus said. “If you regret it there’s nothing more to say.”

He waited a second to see if Alec was going to respond. But Alec didn’t say anything.

“Goodbye, Alexander.” Magnus said. He walked away then leaving Alec to stare at his back until he disappeared from view.

 

**_Four_ **

Alec sighed as he lifted up his bow. It hurt that he had to part with it. He deserved more pain than that though. He couldn’t believe Magnus had even been willing to help Izzy. He even made a joke about wanting Alec. It was honestly confusing. He had thought Magnus would be angry or even hate him. He should have known that that wouldn’t happen. Magnus was good and kind at heart. Alec doubted he could hate anyone, even people who deserved it, like him.

Magnus looked regretful when he took Alec’s bow and arrows from him.

“As promised, payment in ful. Thank you.” Alec said.

Magnus had started to walk away but he changed his mind and turned back.

“I just wanted you to know.. Lydia was wonderful in court. She’s great.”

“So you get it?” Alec said hopefully.

“No, Alec. I get her. I like her. But you don’t have to marry her.” Magnus said softly.

“Yes, I do, Magnus.” Alec’s reply was harsh. He’d made his decision but every time he was around Magnus he questioned himself.

“You’ll be lonely all your life, and so will she. Neither of you deserve it.”

Alec sucked in a breath.

“And I don’t either.” Magnus said.

Alec was surprised every time Magnus showed interest or feelings for him. He surely didn’t deserve it. Especially with how he’d been treating him lately. Alec felt more conflicted than ever and was once again at a loss for words.

“Uhm, I don’t know what to do with these. You keep them for me.”

Alec took his bow and arrows back from Magnus and was surprised by Magnus lips suddenly firm but soft against his own. The kiss only lasted a moment before Magnus pulled back.

“Think of me when you shoot your arrows.” Magnus said with a small smile before he turned and walked away leaving Alec behind with the ghost of Magnus kiss still lingering on his lips.

 

**_Five_ **

Alec had responded to Magnus text so quickly. He jumped at the excuse to see him again. It was pathetic really. He had made his decision and he should stick to it. But part of him longed to see Magnus. He couldn’t believe someone who had lived so long saw something special in him. That he made so much effort to win Alec over. It was baffling really, no one had really shown any interest in Alec before. He had arrived at Magnus’ place and Magnus had magicked a glass of wine into his hand. He’d put the glass away and tried to get Magnus to talk business but Magnus wouldn’t have it. He was rambling on, he seemed to have memorized the speech.

“... about family, and tradition. Honor.” Alec finished.

“Honor?” Magnus asked. “Where’s the honor in living a lie?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What about love? Even shadowhunters fall in love Alec. Just tell me you’re in love with Lydia and I’ll stop.”

Alec looked in Magnus eyes and struggled to find the words to say. He had come to respect Lydia. They were alike in many ways. And he cared for her. But he knew that wasn’t love.

“I don’t know. Why do you keep pushing?”

He started stuttering. Being this close to Magnus was confusing. His heart hammered in his chest.

“You’re confusing me.” He said walking past Magnus and heading for the door.

“Confusion is part of it.” Magnus said.

Alec turned back towards him.

“That’s how you find out if something’s there.” Magnus continued. “Emotions are never black and white. They’re more like symptoms.”

Magnus started walking around him.

“You lose your breath every time they enter a room.” Magnus said as Alec realized he’d been holding his breath and he inaled sharply.

 “Your heart beats faster when they walk by.” Magnus said as he snapped his fingers. Alec’s hand shot to his chest where he could feel his heart hammering.

“Your skin tingles when they stand close enough to feel their breath.” Magnus said and Alec felt his breath on his neck. His skin was burnig with desire to touch Magnus. He still didn’t understand why he was doing this. He must be playing with him. Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath to compose himself. He turned back to Magnus.

“I know you feel what I feel Alec.” Magnus said.

Alec hesitated for a moment and before he knew it he was entangled wit Magnus, bodies pressed together, his hands on Magnus’ shoulders while Magnus’ arms encircled his waist. He was momentarily lost in the feel and the taste of Magnus. He snapped out of it though and pushed Magnus away.

“You don’t have any clue what I feel. So back off.” Alec said trying not to let his emotions show. The more Magnus’ tried to get Alec to confess his feelings the more Alec pulled back because it seemed like Magnus was just trying to push Alec to do something he didn’t want to do. He had chosen to get married. And he still felt like that was the right choice. He started walking towards the door but he turned back to Magnus.

“This is all just a game to you, isn’t it?” He said, voicing his thoughts. “You flirt, you laugh. You use magic.” Magnus face fell at Alec’s words and he looked genuinely hurt but Alec just went on.

“At the end of the day, what do you risk? Even if I did feel something for you? You want me to give up my life for you? I have to do what’s right for me. I could lose my family, my career, everything! You just don’t get it.”

Magnus seemed to have trouble to keep his emotions in check during Alec’s speech.

“You have a choice to make.” Magnus said.

Alec turned back to the door and started walking out.

“Will not ask again.” He heard Magnus say behind him.

He turned around but Magnus had vanished.

 

**_+One_ **

Alec was in a daze during the wedding. None of it felt right. He’d seen everyone’s admiring faces as Lydia walked in. She looked gorgeous of course but it didn’t affect him at all. He was supposed to care though. He was supposed to be left breathless at the sight of her. He just went through with the ceremony but their was a tightness growing in his chest. He felt more uncomfortable by the second. Lydia was about to place a run on his arm and he felt like he was about to have a full blown panic attack. Then the doors opened and Magnus walked in. Alec felt his breath hitch in his throat and his eyes locked with Magnus’. He was vaguely aware of people talking but he didn’t hear a word they said. He saw his mother stand up and head towards Magnus. Magnus held up two fingers to her and walked forward some more, his gaze locked on Alec. Alec had trouble regaining his breath. He turned to Lydia to tell her he couldn’t do this. She was so understanding. Alec turned back towards Magnus. He looked straight at him and kept his gaze firmly locked, ignoring everyone else. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it was trying to escape his chest and he could feel the blood rush through his veins. He started walking towards Magnus with determination telling his mother “Enough” when she tried to stop him but never looking away from Magnus. When he reached him he grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him closer. He pressed his lips firmly against Magnus’. Butterflies exploded in his stomach. It felt like they were lifting him up. Without all the worries and doubts this kiss was so much better than the others. It felt so right and he knew now that this was the decision he should have made in the first place. He sucked softly on Magnus’ upper lip like he’d done during their first kiss, reacquanting himself with the feel and shape of Magnus’ lips. This time without any guilt or confusion. He pulled back for a second and Magnus chased his lips. Alec looked Magnus in the eyes for a second but then his gaze fell back towards Magnus’ lips. He saw a small smile form there when started leaning in for more and then they were kissing again. A little more desperate now. Alec put every feeling he had into it. That kiss was filled with apologies and words of affection. The kiss seemed to last forever and yet not even close to long enough. They pulled back and still only looked at each other.

“You never cease to amaze me, Alec.”


End file.
